REPOST FROM 2012: Social Media & How We Lost Our Social Skills

Being in the food service industry has introduced me to a different interaction with people.

When I was sitting behind a desk, in a professional environment, I used the computer to type documents, prepare presentations and converse over email.  I used the telephone to answer questions, have conversations and get information.  I went to meetings to talk and listen to people face-to-face and I actually had real relationships with the people who came into my office to sit down and chat.

Now that I am working with the public in a more relaxed, casual environment, I see who is out there and that most people just don't have the desire to have conversations or even look up from their telephones.  I don't know how many times I approach a table and greet them with a "Hi, how are you today?" only to get them request a water with lemon without even looking me in the eyes.  They are too busy texting or playing games on their phones.  In fact, I waited on one table that consisted of a mother, father and two tweens and every single one of them was playing on their phone at the table.  Come on!!!!  

What is this world coming to when we can't even use our voices or have meaningful conversations with someone anymore?  We rely so much on technology and I only imagine it getting worse in the future.  Don't get me wrong, I love technology and use it on a daily basis.  It does seem that the younger generation (pre-teens, teens, young adults) are not the only culprits, many people in their 40's are teaching this kind of social trend.

I must say, lots of other servers don't like to wait on the "older generation" but I really love it.  These are the people who are grandparents and great grandparents.  They have been around in a world without all of the social media and probably have no desire to ever learn about it.  They have real talks and real stories that they will share with you whenever they feel like it.  They genuinely care when they await your response to "How are you today?"

I had a conversation with my daughter about social media recently and how kids her age are using it to express all of their feelings to the world instead of talking to their parents, writing poetry or even calling up a friend (as I did when I was her age).  If teens have a problem with someone's actions, they take to the Internet or texting to express their feelings instead of going straight to the person and just talking things out.  This leads to so much confusion and many more people's involvement.  I guess I can't limit this behaviour to just teens, I know plenty of marriages that have unfolded over the Internet and Facebook.  It's put right out there for all of us to be a part of and to react to.   

One of the biggest problems I see (and there are many) is that when you rely on written word to get your point across, there is no reflection to hear and no guarantee all of your words will be taken the way that you mean them.  Texts can get lost, sarcasm can be detected (or not detected) and cap locks can accidentally be used when we are not even upset.  Why not just pick up the phone or go hang out and talk things through?

Okay, I am done venting and I am going to step off of my soap box.

20 Things to Say to Encourage Your Children (via Rachel Wojo)

Week before last I wrote a list of 20 things to say to encourage my husband. 7 Ways to Praise Your Husband for 7 Days and 7 Ways to Praise Your Children for 7 Days have been two well-loved articles here on the blog. The power of praise and encouragement…

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Touching Note From Mother to Daughter

 My dear girl, the day you see I'm getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I'm going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don't interrupt to say: "You said the same thing a minute ago"... Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep.

When I don't want to take a bath, don't be mad and don't embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl?

When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don't look at me that way ... remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life's issues every day... the day you see I'm getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I'm going through.

If I occasionally lose track of what we're talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can't, don't be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you.

And when my old, tired legs don't let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. When those days come, don't feel sad... just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I'll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I've always had for you, I just want to say, I love you ... my darling daughter.

Original text in Spanish by Guillermo Peña.

Trending Today: Famous Coffee Outlet & The Diaper Changing Incident

 So this baby walks into a bar.....

Nah, that didn't happen but I thought it might get your attention.

In Denver, CO, a very popular coffee chain, I am not going to name names, but it rhymes with Carbucks, had a little incident with a dirty diaper and a baby who was with his not-so-happy mom.

It seems that the mom was enjoying her coffee when she realized that her one-year old son needed his diaper changed.  She proceeded to take him into the restroom when she discovered that there were no changing tables offered by the establishment.

Does "Carbucks" think that it's only customers are laptop carrying, blazer wearing, non-fat, skinny Mocha Cappuccino drinkers?  What about the mothers who bribe their children with a Strawberries & Cream so they will do their chores after their homework is done?  It seems like more and more families are frequenting this coffee heaven and maybe the owners should re-think who their clientele is.

So, to continue the story, the mother of the baby decided to change her son's diaper in the seating area, right in front of tea drinking athletes, elderly paper-readers and impatient businesspersons.

Let's just say, this is not exactly great drinking entertainment and some of the employees decided to take matters into their own hands by treating the mother with her very own clean-up towel and words of disgust and laughter.

Mom was not too happy and I am sure, a little embarrassed.  She decided to give them their drink back when she poured it on the floor, causing quite a stir.

Now, I am a mom of two and I remember the days of searching for a changing table and sometimes not being successful.  What was I to do?  One time, when I was at the mall, I was in the only bathroom available and the only changing table was broken.  Luckily, I had a changing pad in my diaper bag and a blanket that I was able to lay on the floor to get our business done.  I know, not the most sanitary, but a mom's got to do what a mom's got to do!

What do you think about this story?

(Huff Post Denver was used to reference the events)         

Review: The Week The Women Went

Have you watched the new Tuesday night, Lifetime reality series, The Week The Women Went?  I have and I think the concept is a GREAT idea.

Lifetime is following the town of Yemassee, South Carolina as they participate in a daring social experiment.  For one week, all of the women, 18 years old and up, will leave the small town and go to a remote location, one which they don't even know about ahead of time.  The thought is that with all of the women gone, the men and children will need to see if they can perform daily tasks and survive without their "women" to take care of them.

The first episode, very dramatically, shows all of the women in town, walking for what seemed like miles, lugging suit cases behind them down a long road.  It was eerie the way they did this.  It almost reminded me of what I imagine the old leper colonies did back in the middle ages.  Although the women are leaving their loved ones behind, most seemed very excited to get away and have "me" time.  And "me" time was exactly what they got as they all left town on a train and later arrived at a beautiful, tropical resort.  It seems all they will have to worry about is which bathing suit to wear and how many fruity drinks they can consume.  However, get a bunch of women together for a long (or even short) period of time and you can only imagine what kind of drama will prevail. 

Yemassee is a small community where everyone knows everyone.  Many of the women featured run businesses and families which will be left behind for their spouses and teen-age children to maintain and run.  From full-time working dads of twins to a 21-year old fire chief who will miss his mom (who hasn't cut the apron strings) and new fiance, there are many challenges ahead for these families.  I found it amusing that several of the dads of young children decided to move in together while the women were gone.  They figured they would do better handling the kids as a team.  Also, a 24-year old Marine is now responsible for his 31-year old girlfriend's teen-age daughters and tween son.  Boy, do they take advantage of him.  His girlfriend is pretty hot, but she may not be hot enough to keep him after all of this.  And who can forget the 4-year old "grown-up" little girl, Ellie Kate, who demands her coffee every morning.  Wow, is she a character.  It will be interesting to see how her dad copes with her precociousness.  This is also the dad who has been put in charge of coordinating a kid's beauty pageant while the women are gone. 

I look forward to watching this series and I hope you get a chance to watch it too!






 

Social Media & How We Lost Our Communication Skills

Being in the food service industry has introduced me to a different interaction with people.

When I was sitting behind a desk, in a professional environment, I used the computer to type documents, prepare presentations and converse over email.  I used the telephone to answer questions, have conversations and get information.  I went to meetings to talk and listen to people face-to-face and I actually had real relationships with the people who came into my office to sit down and chat.

Now that I am working with the public in a more relaxed, casual environment, I see who is out there and that most people just don't have the desire to have conversations or even look up from their telephones.  I don't know how many times I approach a table and greet them with a "Hi, how are you today?" only to get them request a water with lemon without even looking me in the eyes.  They are too busy texting or playing games on their phones.  In fact, I waited on one table that consisted of a mother, father and two tweens and every single one of them was playing on their phone at the table.  Come on!!!!  

What is this world coming to when we can't even use our voices or have meaningful conversations with someone anymore?  We rely so much on technology and I only imagine it getting worse in the future.  Don't get me wrong, I love technology and use it on a daily basis.  It does seem that the younger generation (pre-teens, teens, young adults) are not the only culprits, many people in their 40's are teaching this kind of social trend.

I must say, lots of other servers don't like to wait on the "older generation" but I really love it.  These are the people who are grandparents and great grandparents.  They have been around in a world without all of the social media and probably have no desire to ever learn about it.  They have real talks and real stories that they will share with you whenever they feel like it.  They genuinely care when they await your response to "How are you today?"

I had a conversation with my daughter about social media recently and how kids her age are using it to express all of their feelings to the world instead of talking to their parents, writing poetry or even calling up a friend (as I did when I was her age).  If teens have a problem with someones actions, they take to the Internet or texting to express their feelings instead of going straight to the person and just talking things out.  This leads to so much confusion and many more people's involvement.  I guess I can't limit this behaviour to just teens, I know plenty of marriages that have unfolded over the Internet and Facebook.  It's put right out there for all of us to be a part of and to react to.   


One of the biggest problems I see (and there are many) is that when you rely on written word to get your point across, there is no reflection to hear and no guarantee all of your words will be taken the way that you mean them.  Texts can get lost, sarcasm can be detected (or not detected) and cap locks can accidentally be used when we are not even upset.  Why not just pick up the phone or go hang out and talk things through?


Okay, I am done venting and I am going to step off of my soap box.

The Search for Daddy's Kidney

This is my cousin, Matthew Zehm. Matthew Zehm is a 36 year old father of two, Sebastian-8 and Ethan-5. Matthew is dying from a kidney disease and needs your help. Please donate!!!!!




 UPDATE #2:  On October 14, 2011, Matthew Zehm went to Heaven to be with the angels.  His body rejected the new kidney and he spent months and months on dialysis and being in and out of the hospital. He decided that in his final time here on earth, he would go through hospice and spend his time with the ones that he loved.  A celebration of life party was attended by many, as well as by Matthew.  It was evident that Matt was very well loved by so many friends and family.  Less than a week later, Matthew passed away with his family at his side.

UPDATE: Hooray, Matthew has had a kidney transplant and is now recovering.

Delegation - How To Be Effective REPOST

Picture by KM Photography

We all get to be the boss sometime in our life, whether it be with our work, our school, in our homes or with our children. Being a leader has it's challenges. There is a job that has to get done and you either need help with it or you need someone else to complete the task. There is a certain way the project needs to get done and usually a time frame that has to be met. Knowing how to ask for that help and see that the project gets carried out is a skill some people need a little help with.

#1: Describe the job and the outcome that needs to be reached. For example: "Today, we need to get this mailing out to all of our clients."

#2: Specify who's responsible for meeting this goal: "I would appreciate your help in spearheading this project and seeing that it gets completed today. Can you please take care of this?"

#3: Describe the steps that need to be completed so that the project is successful: "It's important that we make enough copies of this memo so that all of our clients receive it. We will need to put it on letterhead, prepare labels and envelopes and tri-fold the memo so that it fits in the envelope. Then, let's make sure that the correct postage gets applied and that the mail is done before the carrier arrives at 4:00 pm."

#4: Ask if there are any questions or concerns with accomplishing the task: "Do you have any questions? Do you think that you will be able to get this mailing out by 4:00 pm today?"

As the employee being given the task, this would be the time for you to clarify the instructions to make sure that you understand everything that is being asked. Far too many times, employees feel intimidated and they proceed with a project without fully understanding what needs to be done. This leads to mistakes and delays in completing assignments.

#5: Make yourself available to the employee and check on their progress.

#6: When you see that the job is completed, praise your employee: "I see you got those memos out. Thank you so much for taking care of that, you did a really good job. Those memos were really important."

The steps above can be applied to any sort of delegation, whether it be asking your kids to do a chore or working with groups for community service. Following these steps will help make you an effective delegator.

How To Become A Patient Parent - Zen Habits

I have discovered a great blog called, Zen Habits, written by Leo Babauta. This blog has so many wonderful articles about living a Zen lifestyle. I wanted to share a post that I found educational and helpful for parenting.


I don’t claim to be the world’s most patient parent — but it’s a goal of mine for this year, and it’s something I’m dedicated to becoming. Every parent loses his or her patience — it’s a fact of life. There are no perfect angels when it comes to moms and dads — we all get frustrated or angry and lose it from time to time.

But patience can be developed over time — it’s a habit, and like any other habit, it just takes some focus.

Here’s a list of 10 great tips and methods I’m trying out and experimenting with to help me become a more patient parent:

1. Count to 10. This one really works. When you feel yourself getting frustrated or angry, stop. Count slowly to 10 (you can do this in your head). When you’re done, most of the initial impulse to yell will go away. Alternatively, if you count out loud to 10, your kids will learn quickly that this is a good sign to run away. :)

2. Deep breaths. This works very well in conjunction with the above tip. Count to 10, and then take three slow, deep breaths. Feel the frustration draining out of you with each breath.

3. Tally marks. One of the most effective and important methods for controlling an impulse — these worrisome urges that we have difficulty controlling — is to become more aware of it. And to do that, you should carry around a little pencil and paper all day, and each time you feel the impulse (in this case, to react with anger), mark down a tally. This is an extremely important first step. Once you become aware of your impulses, you can work out an alternative reaction.

4. Pretend someone’s watching. I forgot where I read this tip (a couple places, I think), but it’s effective. Pretend you have an audience. You’re less likely to overreact with your child if someone’s there watching your every move.

5. What would mom do? My mom is one of the most patient people I know (although she’s human like the rest of us). So when I find my ire rising, I think … “How would my mom handle this?” And using this role model, I begin to change my behavior to something more positive. You can use any role model you want — not necessarily my mom.

6. How does this help? When I’m about to say something to my kids, when I can remember, I ask myself, “How does this help my child?” This helps me to re-focus on what’s really important. Yelling or getting angry rarely helps any situation.

7. Take a break. Often it’s best just to walk away for a few minutes. Take a break from the situation, just for 5-10 minutes, let yourself calm down, plan out your words and actions and solution, and then come back calm as a monk.

8. Teach. This is something that helps me a lot. I remember that my kids are just kids — they are not perfect, they do not know how to do things, and they have a lot to learn. I am their teacher. I must be patient, and teach them how to do things — even if I’ve tried to teach them 10 times before, it might be the 11th time when things click. And remember, none of us learn things on the first try either. Find new ways to teach something, and you’re more likely to be successful.

9. Visualize. This works best if you do it before the frustrating situation comes up. When you’re alone and in a quiet place. Visualize how you want to react the next time your child does something that typically gets you mad. How do you handle the situation? How do you look? What do you say? How does your child react? How does it help your relationship with your child? Think about all these things, visualize the perfect situation, and then try to actually make that happen when the situation actually comes up.

10. Just laugh. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that no one is perfect, that we should be enjoying this time with our kids, and that life should be fun — and funny. Smile, laugh, be happy. Doesn’t always work, but it’s good to remind yourself of this now and then.

Bonus tip: just love. Instead of reacting with anger, teach yourself to react with love. Your child spills something or has a messy room or breaks your family heirloom? Yells at you or gets in trouble at school? React with love. It’s the best solution.

There Are Headless Men In My Car

I know, the title kind of scared you, huh? Imagine driving along knowing there are decapitated people in your car. In the spirit of Halloween, I think I am aloud to be a bit morbid. After all, a little person that I have birthed and raised is the decapitator of the heads. Colton, my 8-year old son is really into action figures, primarily the ones that come apart. He sleeps, eats and lives by his obsession with "lego guys" and other "guys" he can take apart. Should I be worried? Or should I hope that this interest will later lead him to become a doctor/surgeon who will support me in my old age? In the meantime, I have about half a dozen bodies in my car and their heads rolling around. Happy Halloween!!!!

Re-Post: Parenting

There have been countless debates about parenting styles and practices over the years. From era to era you have to admit, things have definitely changed. I believe that children raised in the 50's, 60's and 70's experienced things a whole lot differently than the kids raised later. It seems that kids raised in the 70's made some pact or vow to be COOL parents and raise our kids with not so many rules. I may be wrong, but the way I was raised back then was perfect. Rules and structure and discipline worked wonders. I was a good kid and teenager. I respected my elders, I did not talk back, I hardly used profanity and I was not promiscuous.

Now days, it seems as if the kids my children play with are from another planet. They are rude, they don't have any manners, they don't listen and they are lazy. I wish my peers would see that there was nothing wrong with the way they were raised. Bring back the days of spankings for horrible behavior, the teaching of manners and respect and the limited time on the computer/video game machine and television. Give them structure and routines and schedules. Talk to them, listen to them and spend time with them. Don't use the television to baby-sit your kids. Stimulate them as people and give them praise and love as much as possible. There is nothing wrong with trying to not be like your parents, but if you turned out okay, then maybe they did did it right!!!!!

Parenting

There have been countless debates about parenting styles and practices over the years. From era to era you have to admit, things have definitely changed. I believe that children raised in the 50's, 60's and 70's experienced things a whole lot differently than the kids raised later. It seems that kids raised in the 70's made some pact or vow to be COOL parents and raise our kids with not so many rules. I may be wrong, but the way I was raised back then was perfect. Rules and structure and discipline worked wonders. I was a good kid and teenager. I respected my elders, I did not talk back, I hardly used profanity and I was not promiscuous.

Now days, it seems as if the kids my children play with are from another planet. They are rude, they don't have any manners, they don't listen and they are lazy. I wish my peers would see that there was nothing wrong with the way they were raised. Bring back the days of spankings for horrible behavior, the teaching of manners and respect and the limited time on the computer/video game machine and television. Give them structure and routines and schedules. Talk to them, listen to them and spend time with them. Don't use the television to baby-sit your kids. Stimulate them as people and give them praise and love as much as possible. There is nothing wrong with trying to not be like your parents, but if you turned out okay, then maybe they did did it right!!!!!

My Son Is Growing Up, And I'm Scared...

This is my baby. He is growing up and becoming a person and I am so scared.

Boys are foreign to me. I don't know boys. How are they supposed to be here in the 2000's? Are they supposed to be obsessed with video games and not want to do anything else? Are they supposed to pick on their older sister? Are they supposed to be moody and depressed about going to school? Are they supposed to not listen? How do you make sure you are doing the right things in raising them? My son is so different from my daughter. Is it fair that I expect him to be as easy to raise and as responsible as his sister - I think not. With my daughter, she was open to my corrections of her attitude and behavior and how to be a person. I would tell her once and she would listen. With Colton, I feel like all I ever do is try to teach and all he ever does is get frustrated with me.

When the kids were little, I read book after book about babies and how to handle them. I guess it's time to open some up again and figure this out. I am tired of feeling guilty. I think I need more alone time with this foreign person so that I can really get to know him and see how he works.