Nothing to say!

Sometimes, you just have nothing to say.....

Stay posted, I might feel inspired.

Thanks,
Me

Codependency - Here's What I Have Learned

I used to know someone who had an addictive personality.

He chose to deal with things by relying on something to ease the pain of life, depression, suicidal tendencies and while doing so, it helped him deal with my co-dependency.  We both were aware of his issues and I always thought I was the one to live with the burden of his addiction.  I felt so much love for him that I made his problems mine, because both of us took on each others pain, depression, etc.  In a healthy relationship, when one is down, the other is there to lift them back up and help them see things differently.  We did not function that way.  

I found myself so tired of taking on his emotions and trying to walk on egg shells to keep him from going over the edge.  Things that bothered me were not talked about, I learned to keep them in.  Too long of doing this causes resentment and detachment.

What I haven't mentioned is that, he never asked me to take these things on.  There is no fault or blame today.  I struggled silently with my own pain and depression and, unknowingly, my own co-dependency.  It's so much easier to avoid your own issues when you are so focused on making someone else better and then resenting them for their mistakes.

If you are like me and have misconceptions or are unsure of what it means to be codependent, let me give you it's meaning:

A codependent person is one who has let another

person's behavior affect him or her, and who is

 obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.

So all those times that I prided myself on being a caring, compassionate, empathetic person, I was taking it a little too far.  I worried so much about trying to do the right thing in my relationship and for my kids, that I just needed to step back and let the man that I still, to this day love, handle his own shit!

Great New Song - Burning House, CAM

"Burning House"

I had a dream about a burning house
You were stuck inside, I couldn't get you out
I laid beside you and pulled you close
And the two of us went up in smoke

Love isn't all that it seems I did you wrong
I'll stay here with you until this dream is gone

I've been sleepwalking, been wandering all night
Trying to take what's lost and broke and make it right
I've been sleepwalking too close to the fire
But it's the only place that I can hold you tight
In this burning house

See you at a party and you look the same
I could take you back but people don't ever change
Wish that we could go back in time
I'd be the one you thought you'd find

Love isn't all that it seems I did you wrong
I'll stay here with you until this dream is gone

I've been sleepwalking, been wandering all night
Trying to take what's lost and broke and make it right
I've been sleepwalking too close to the fire
But it's the only place that I can hold you tight
In this burning house

The flames are getting bigger now
In this burning house
I can hold on to you somehow
In this burning house
Oh, and I don't wanna wake up
In this burning house

And I've been sleepwalking, been wandering all night
Trying to take what's lost and broke and make it right
I've been sleepwalking too close to the fire
But it's the only place that I can hold you tight
In this burning house

Article Share: 4 Reasons Honest Men Give To End It

Because I recently went through a divorce, I of course subscribed to all sorts of blogs and websites to help me through the pain that a break-up can cause.  With that, some articles that I have read are helpful and I thought I would share one that I read this evening.

It is from the website, Relationship Rules . The article is titled: 4 Reasons Honest Men Give To End It.  This is written by "A", one of the co-founders of the website.

This article spoke to me because it is about being with someone who chooses to be honest about their feelings, about why they feel their relationship is not working, and being a grown-up and facing uncomfortableness.  I believe that honesty is really the key point that I think too many people are afraid of.  It's easier to either sweep problems under the rug, avoid conflict or just continue to not be a happy person in the relationship.

Back to the article.  I feel these reasons are about the behavior in which an honest man displays, not necessarily the reason they give to their partner.

Reason #1 an honest man gives to end it: They want everything on the table.  "A" describes that part of this has to do with not placing blame on just one person and that if you talk about all issues, the couple will realize that it is just not "one person's fault".

Reason #2 an honest man gives to end it: They don't like the blame game. Accepting fault is a true quality of an honest man.  I agree with this statement.  SOME men live with blinders about how "wonderful" their relationship is, when all the while they are unhappy and are too afraid to admit it.  This might lead to conflict and having to face fears and issues.

Reason #3 an honest man gives to end it: They care for you to have closure.  "A" says that an honest guy will always have the guts to say goodbye and they will not just disappear from facing the problem. They would never leave you hanging in between thinking what went wrong and where.  Personally, I would have appreciated this happening in one of my relationship break-ups.  Instead, being left with anger and hurt and never getting to "hash" things out and "deal" with issues has left me angry.

Reason #4 an honest man gives to end it: They respect you, still. They will never disrespect the good memories you had by leaving like a coward or like someone who wanted to run away. They will respect the fact that there are a few explanations to be given and few to be listened to.  This is SPOT on!!!

Check out the article at Relationship Rules

Life Lessons From A Broken Heart

1. Don’t ignore the red flags or that “little voice”.

2. Sometimes love is not enough.

3. Two broken people do not a lasting relationship make.

4. Your rebound will not be your “forever”.

5. Walking on eggshells only puts off the inevitable.

6. Addiction is hard on loved ones.

7. Confrontation is not always a bad thing.

8. Honesty, trust and communication are all very important in a loving relationship.

9. Don’t settle for what you know is wrong for you.

10. Change is scary, but necessary to grow.

11. Pride is a stubborn thing.

12. Being alone is not necessarily a bad thing.

13. You can still be "you" when you are part of a “we”.

14. It’s okay to not always be “ok”.

15. If someone really wants something, they will fight for it. 

16. What is meant to be will be.

17. Don’t chase after ghosts.

18. You may forgive, but you will never forget.

19. You can’t take things back once they have been said and you can’t undo what’s been done.

20. You don’t always get a second chance.

That moment ~ 12/5/2015

When you share a "moment" with the man who holds your heart; the man you still love.


#break-ups

The 5 Love Languages - Gary Chapman

I am reading an interesting book that I have been meaning to read for the last few years.  I purchased it in hopes of learning more about relationships and to help me better understand exactly what makes me and others "tick".

Author, Gary Chapman, explains in his book that there are 5 Love Languages.  I have mentioned them below along with some of my own comments and insights:

1. Words of Affirmation: People like to be complimented, praised and encouraged.  They like to hear kind words that help build them up and make them happy.  They don't like to hear demanding words.  Focus on how important words are.
2. Quality Time: Loved ones enjoy spending time with each other.  They appreciate your full attention and interest.  They like to experience fun adventures or quiet times with you.  Dialogue is important to keep things interesting.
3. Receiving Gifts:  Some people feel love when they are taken care of and given gifts.  Gifts can be visual symbols of love and show that someone was thinking of you.  This is derived from the marriage ceremony when rings are exchanged.  Some feel this act is very important.
4. Acts of Service: Having someone do something that you would like them to do is another way of feeling loved.  Having a meal cooked, pants hemmed, laundry cleaned, are all examples of service.  Personally, I feel that this is most men.  Men like to be taken care of and this came from the care that was given to them by their mothers.  It's important to remember that requests give direction on how to love, but demands stop the flow of love.
5. Physical Touch:  Touching is not limited to one localized are of the body.  Tiny tactile receptors are located throughout the body.  When those receptors are touched or pressed, nerves carry impulses to the brain.  The brain interprets these impulses and we perceive that the thing that touched us is warm or cold, hard or soft.  It causes pain or pleasure.  Some people feel love at the hands of another which is why some enjoy casual flings and one night stands.

I think that many people, like myself, feel loved with each of these languages and not just one.  However, there is usually one that is more important that another, and that is what should be focused on in your relationship.

What is your language of love?

Share: Great Article on Breaking Up

From The Change Blog

Writer Rachael Ann Mare writes about how a breakup taught her to relax and be herself.  I wanted to share this with you because I think it is a great story.  Although it has a happy ending, sometimes we don't get the girl/guy back.  Because I am going through a breakup, I found this very inspiring at least knowing that I WILL find "me".

I will share a few bits from the article.  You can read Rachael's story directly at: How A Breakup Taught Me To Relax And Be Myself


"..I thought I would be over it, or at least feel okay. I wasn’t, and I didn’t.  I had tried to be friends with him. I had tried to not be friends with him.  I cried a lot either way."


"When we first broke up, I spent an embarrassing amount of time reading Internet articles about how to get your ex back." 


"If I wanted him back, most of the books said, I couldn’t let him see how much I hurt. I had to be out there having a great time."


"I had this idea of how I was “supposed” to deal with the breakup “in order to” get him back, and it was killing me.  Instead of actually focusing on me, I let my wanting to control him—to make him come back—get the better of me, and I focused on him and how he was going to respond to what I was doing instead of on my own needs and feelings."

"I remembered all the things about our relationship that didn’t work for me.  I focused on work, on launching my blog and website and doing scads of writing, and I loved it.  I could never do all that while obsessing over his next move.  I stopped needing a relationship and started looking for someone who complemented my life."


~This is a good story, check it out: Go to The Change Blog to read