REPOST: How To Delegate

We all get to be the boss sometime in our life, whether it be with our work, our school, in our homes or with our children. Being a leader has it's challenges. There is a job that has to get done and you either need help with it or you need someone else to complete the task. There is a certain way the project needs to get done and usually a time frame that has to be met. Knowing how to ask for that help and see that the project gets carried out is a skill some people need a little help with.

#1: Describe the job and the outcome that needs to be reached. For example: "Today, we need to get this mailing out to all of our clients."

#2: Specify who's responsible for meeting this goal: "I would appreciate your help in spearheading this project and seeing that it gets completed today. Can you please take care of this?"

#3: Describe the steps that need to be completed so that the project is successful: "It's important that we make enough copies of this memo so that all of our clients receive it. We will need to put it on letterhead, prepare labels and envelopes and tri-fold the memo so that it fits in the envelope. Then, let's make sure that the correct postage gets applied and that the mail is done before the carrier arrives at 4:00 pm."

#4: Ask if there are any questions or concerns with accomplishing the task: "Do you have any questions? Do you think that you will be able to get this mailing out by 4:00 pm today?"

As the employee being given the task, this would be the time for you to clarify the instructions to make sure that you understand everything that is being asked. Far too many times, employees feel intimidated and they proceed with a project without fully understanding what needs to be done. This leads to mistakes and delays in completing assignments.

#5: Make yourself available to the employee and check on their progress.

#6: When you see that the job is completed, praise your employee: "I see you got those memos out. Thank you so much for taking care of that, you did a really good job. Those memos were really important."

The steps above can be applied to any sort of delegation, whether it be asking your kids to do a chore or working with groups for community service. Following these steps will help make you an effective delegator.

Codependency - Here's What I Have Learned

I used to know someone who had an addictive personality.

He chose to deal with things by relying on something to ease the pain of life, depression, suicidal tendencies and while doing so, it helped him deal with my co-dependency.  We both were aware of his issues and I always thought I was the one to live with the burden of his addiction.  I felt so much love for him that I made his problems mine, because both of us took on each others pain, depression, etc.  In a healthy relationship, when one is down, the other is there to lift them back up and help them see things differently.  We did not function that way.  

I found myself so tired of taking on his emotions and trying to walk on egg shells to keep him from going over the edge.  Things that bothered me were not talked about, I learned to keep them in.  Too long of doing this causes resentment and detachment.

What I haven't mentioned is that, he never asked me to take these things on.  There is no fault or blame today.  I struggled silently with my own pain and depression and, unknowingly, my own co-dependency.  It's so much easier to avoid your own issues when you are so focused on making someone else better and then resenting them for their mistakes.

If you are like me and have misconceptions or are unsure of what it means to be codependent, let me give you it's meaning:

A codependent person is one who has let another

person's behavior affect him or her, and who is

 obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.

So all those times that I prided myself on being a caring, compassionate, empathetic person, I was taking it a little too far.  I worried so much about trying to do the right thing in my relationship and for my kids, that I just needed to step back and let the man that I still, to this day love, handle his own shit!

Article Share: 4 Reasons Honest Men Give To End It

Because I recently went through a divorce, I of course subscribed to all sorts of blogs and websites to help me through the pain that a break-up can cause.  With that, some articles that I have read are helpful and I thought I would share one that I read this evening.

It is from the website, Relationship Rules . The article is titled: 4 Reasons Honest Men Give To End It.  This is written by "A", one of the co-founders of the website.

This article spoke to me because it is about being with someone who chooses to be honest about their feelings, about why they feel their relationship is not working, and being a grown-up and facing uncomfortableness.  I believe that honesty is really the key point that I think too many people are afraid of.  It's easier to either sweep problems under the rug, avoid conflict or just continue to not be a happy person in the relationship.

Back to the article.  I feel these reasons are about the behavior in which an honest man displays, not necessarily the reason they give to their partner.

Reason #1 an honest man gives to end it: They want everything on the table.  "A" describes that part of this has to do with not placing blame on just one person and that if you talk about all issues, the couple will realize that it is just not "one person's fault".

Reason #2 an honest man gives to end it: They don't like the blame game. Accepting fault is a true quality of an honest man.  I agree with this statement.  SOME men live with blinders about how "wonderful" their relationship is, when all the while they are unhappy and are too afraid to admit it.  This might lead to conflict and having to face fears and issues.

Reason #3 an honest man gives to end it: They care for you to have closure.  "A" says that an honest guy will always have the guts to say goodbye and they will not just disappear from facing the problem. They would never leave you hanging in between thinking what went wrong and where.  Personally, I would have appreciated this happening in one of my relationship break-ups.  Instead, being left with anger and hurt and never getting to "hash" things out and "deal" with issues has left me angry.

Reason #4 an honest man gives to end it: They respect you, still. They will never disrespect the good memories you had by leaving like a coward or like someone who wanted to run away. They will respect the fact that there are a few explanations to be given and few to be listened to.  This is SPOT on!!!

Check out the article at Relationship Rules

Thursday's Relationship Thought

Life doesn’t always introduce you to the people you want to meet. Sometimes life puts you in touch with the people you need to meet – to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to gradually strengthen you into the person you were meant to become.
— Unknown

from Positive Thoughts and More

Life Changing Phone Calls

Life changing telephone calls happen all of the time and they have such a big impact in our lives that we never really stop to think what life would be like if you never answered the call.

Some examples of historical and infamous calls are: 

1. Thomas Edison to Thomas Watson, in 1876 - "Watson, come here, I need you!"
2. Richard Nixon to The Moon, in 1969 - calling Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong as they set foot on the moon.
3. Security guard, Frank Wills to D.C. Police, in 1972 - Reporting suspicious behaviour at the Watergate Complex.

I am sure there have been many more, and some life changing calls in each of our lives, that today we can reflect back on.  Some of mine are:

1.  At five years old, I was watching Pete's Dragon at the movie theater with my Dad, when we got the call that my Grandma had just had her final heart-attack.  I never got to know my Grandma Joanne, but I heard she was a great lady.
2. At 16, I came home from work, after meeting a really cute guy.  I got a call from him and that lead to our marriage, relocation to and from California, our two children and later our divorce.
3. Multiple different calls lead to my finding out of the passing of loved ones, including my Grandma, my Grandpa, my Sister's Mom, both of my ex-in-laws and more.  Sadly, these are not good life changes, but they made a difference in many lives.
4. At 31, being broken up with by a long-distance boyfriend, at 33, finding out by "the other woman" that my new love interest had cheated on me, at 35, announcing to my mom that I was engaged again.
5. At 42, getting a job offer that brought me to a new career that makes me very happy.

These are just some examples of telephone calls that changed my life.  What were some of yours?  Oh, I guess we didn't even address TEXT messages that changed our lives, that will be for another day.

Positivity - It's All In How You Look At Things

I get notifications from a page I like on Facebook, Power Of Positivity.  They have all sorts of great stories and hint/tips for living a positive life.  One story in particular caught my attention and I wanted to share the main message.

Sometimes, something bad happens to us or someone we love and all we can focus on is the tragedy of things or negativity toward the situation.

"There was a story of a man who was working in a convenience store one evening.  He was not supposed to work that night, but the manager asked him to cover the shift.  While all was going as expected, a masked man came into the store and demanded money from the clerk.  Although the clerk did nothing to provoke the robber, he was beaten severely.  

After being rushed to the hospital, the young man was put through a series of tests, including a CAT scan.  This evening was a horrible experience for the clerk and he could not help but think about why this happened to him.  He was angered and resentful for what he had been put through.

Moments later, the doctor came in to discuss the test results.  The CAT scan showed that the victim of the beating actually had a brain tumor that was luckily caught in time.  Because it was found so early in its stage, it was operable and later removed.  They had said that if it had not been caught, he would have went to sleep one night and not be able to wake up. Although the situation was devastating, it actually saved this man's life."

How many things have happened to you that you later realized happened for a reason?  I know I have had a lot of turmoil throughout my life and when I look back, I see why and what I needed to learn from the situation.  I have tried to change my way of thinking about bad stuff, and have tried to look for the lesson.

My Grandmother was 85 years old and got around very good for being in her eighties.  She walked to the grocery store daily and cleaned house all week long.  One day, she was taking the garbage can to the curb when she stumbled and fell.  She was taken to the doctor.  The doctor had a concern about what made her fall.  No one thought anything of it.  However, after running tests, the doctor found that she had stage four cancer.  The strong, stubborn woman that I had known all of my life decided at that moment to give up. She withdrew from all of us, didn't want to talk to anyone and didn't want to do anything.  She also quit eating and drinking.  She basically shut down.  Several months later, my Grandma passed away.  

Now, I am not saying that how she chose to live out her final days was wrong.  In fact, I could not imagine what it would be like to learn of such a horrible disease ending my life.  However, I believe the negative situation and the way she handled it shortened her life dramatically.  And all of this happened because she fell while taking the garbage out.

In summary, things are not always as they seem.  And to sound very cliche' - everything happens for a reason.  It's not what is happening, it is how you handle it.

Visit The Power of Positivity  website to read all of their wonderful stories and insights.

What Was Your First Job?

Yes, it's a dirty word, but some body's got to use it!


At eleven years old, I was ready to tackle the world and make some money.  I had always liked to keep busy and found fun in doing chores (they always said there was something wrong with me).  In addition to those naysayers, my family told me that I would have plenty of time to work when I was an adult.  Of course, I did not listen.

I was fortunate to have the opportunity to work for my Grandfather, Doc.  Doc was not a doctor, as you might think, but an owner of several, large, western-wear, clothing stores.  My Grandpa had thousands of boots, hats, belts, jeans, you name it.  If it was western, he sold it.  The biggest store that he owned was in a very popular, local shopping mall named Valley West Mall (on a side note: this mall was torn down many years ago, but because it was loved by many, I started a Facebook group Fans of Valley West Mall and am proud to say that there are almost 1,200 people in this group, who now live all over the country).

This store being the biggest one of them all, and closest to my home, was where I began my working career.  At eleven, I was given the very prestigious and important job of maintaining the appearance of the store.  This included vacuuming what seemed like the entire length of a football field, cleaning mirrors, dusting, taking out the garbage and my least two favorites of cleaning the bathrooms and emptying the ashtrays.  Although it seems like a lot of work for a little person, I did my job diligently.  I even road my bike to and from work which was probably a three mile ride one-way.

My bike, aw, that was my freedom (but that's a whole other story).

Anyway, I made a decent salary and I got to go spend my earnings at the food court or at the video game arcade - so life was good.  

As I got older, I begged for a promotion.  I was given the task of working by the register processing credit card transactions during the busy holiday seasons. "What's the big deal about that?" you ask.  "People run their own credit cards through the key pad - what did you have to do?"  Well, my friend, in the mid 1980's there were no credit card machines.  We had three-part, carbon copy credit card slips that needed to be filled out and then placed on a sliding imprint machine with the card.  We ran the imprinter over the paper and "Walla!" the numbers were now on the slip.  In addition, I got to call an 800 number with every transaction and enter information into the phone in hopes that the credit went through and I would be given an authorization code to complete the order.  At 13, I was VERY IMPORTANT!

At 16, I was ready for bigger and better things.  Although I really wanted to work behind the cash register and run all of the transactions and touch the money, I was only given a few opportunities to do so.  Not because I did anything wrong but because I was just too young, I suppose!  So, I was given the job of selling women's clothes.  I had to bug people and ask if they wanted to spend their hard earned money on a $50 Panhandle Slim blouse or a $100 pair of Wranglers.  I did not make a commission but at those prices, I sure wish I did.  One part of my job was SUPER awesome.  I got to work with a leather stamping machine and dye to personalize custom belt orders.  Remember when people had their names on the back of their belts (Jim, Bob, Chuck).  That was ME displaying my beautiful skills.  And skills I needed, especially when working with someone's expensive $100+ belt they just purchased.  If I messed up, I was sure to be in trouble.

My first job allowed me to learn a lot about a lot.  It is also where I met the man who, 14 years later, became my ex-husband and the father to my 2 AWESOME kids.

What was your first job and what did you learn?